


Pétales de Roses

by twinflamedfest



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, hanahaki disease!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 13:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16577291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinflamedfest/pseuds/twinflamedfest
Summary: written by FlyLuhani





	Pétales de Roses

**Author's Note:**

> written by FlyLuhani

Everything is blurry.

Life is blurry.

Love is blurry.

His vision is blurry because love makes you blind.

Sehun looked outside the window, his mind full of thoughts, and face against his hand. Why does his lifeseem to be so empty? Why does his heart feel heavy? Life is not what you want it to be. Life is complicated and sometimes very disappointing. He sighed looking down at the paper on the table. A blank page. Nothing. Not even a scribble. This page in front of him was like his life.

Without any importance. Dull. It would be how he would have described it.

As a novelist, he wanted his life to be colorful, full of life, full of love but, unfortunately nothing was like that. Sometimes the outside appear beautiful when the inside is dead. His inside was dead, colored of black. His mind was a tangle of thoughts. How will tomorrow be? How will he be able to endure it? He didn’t know. But, he knew that he was tired, too tiredto act like everything was right when everything was wrong. Love was not supposed to be like that.

His wedding wasn’t supposed to be like that.

The melancholia permeated his dark pupils. He was nostalgic. His past, where all looked perfect with the love of his life, when all was filled with lies. LuHan was a liar behind his babyface. He always acted nice and Sehun always fell for his incantation. His voice was a sweet melody to his ears that makes him forget all his problems, all his angst.

“How are you?”

He didn’t care. Sehun knew it. However, when he smiled at him, it became impossible to stay angry.

“I’m fine.”

He was always fine. LuHan didn’t care.

“I’m happy to know that. My day was great today! I got a new contract!”

Sehun smiled. A fake smile.

“That’s great Lu! Congratulations! We should drink to that!”

When your love is filled with lieshow could you believe in happiness? Sehun didn’t believe in happiness at all. For him, this love was destructive and despite him knowing that, it was impossible to give up on LuHan.

Sehun was completely in love with LuHan. He would have given his life only to see his babyface with a smile. He would have given all he has for him, because it’s how love should have been. Nonetheless, it wasn’t.

“I love you.” Said LuHan before closing his eyes to fall deep asleep.

Sehun believed his words. He believed it so easily, he was naïve. But, he was in love, so deeply in love that he preferred to close his eyes and forget. Forget everything that caused him to feel mad, or hurt. Tomorrow was going to be better. However, life wasn’t a book nor a movie.

 **Life was worse than that**.

 

He opened his eyes slowly getting used to the daylight. LuHan was still asleep by his side. He was so beautiful. Sehun admired his perfect face, he looked like an angel fallen from the sky. His pale skin sparkled thanks to the sun’s rays, it was such a wonderful piece of art. When the latter finally opened his eyes a cute smile took place on his rosy lips. A beautiful shade of pink covered his cheeks making him look so innocent.

“Good morning love.” He said with a hoarse voice.

“Good morning Lu.”

Sehun’s heart fluttered when the doe-eyes smiled at him. It felt like a pack of butterflies were flying in his stomach. It felt so good.

“Take me in your arms.” Demanded the small one.

Sehun smiled, taking his baby for a hug. He smelled his hypnotizing fragrance, a mixed of flowers, his face in the crook of his neck. Then, he took his face between his big hands, looking deep down into Luhan’s soul. His eyes were sparkling, a beautiful shade of light brown, a mesmerizing one.

“What are you waiting for? Kiss me.”

LuHan’s voice was authoritarian. Sehun was so subjected to him. He closed his eyelid and crushed his lips against Luhan’s. This feeling was like being on drugs. Luhan’s lips were so soft. Every mornings were like a breath of fresh air, the calm before the storm.

What could he do when everything looked so fake? He sighed, ruffling his hair before leaving his apartment. The morning breeze caressed his face as he walked through the city without any aim. He just needed to think. Think about his life, think about his work, about anything that wasn’t LuHan. Why does it hurt so much? A tear flowed on his cheeks. This love was so hard to handle sometimes. So hard that it stopped him from having any inspiration for his books. Every pages were blank, nothing, he couldn’t write anything. Everything wasn’t good enough to his taste, and it was very frustrating.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Asked his friend JongIn.

He was the only one who truly saw between his lies, unlike LuHan.

“Nothing.”

“It’s because of LuHan right?”

Sehun agreed with a nod of his head. Everything was always because of this simple human being.

“Tell him about your feelings.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

Why? His heart was broken, his heart felt so empty… It was hard to be with him when both of them wear a mask, in order to run from their problems.

“I just can’t”

He loved him so much. The idea of losing him was unbearable. He preferred to suffer with him by his side rather than without him.

“Nothing is going to change if you stay silent.”

 “I know that. I know it very well. But, I love him, do you understand that? I love him so much.”

JongIn took his hands between his. He was very serious, just like a true friend should be in a serious situation like this one.

“I know it Sehun. I know that you love him. But… does he love you the same way as you do?”

Sehun wanted to cry his heart out. He wanted to disappear and never come back as a broken glass on the floor.

“He does. He loves me, we are just going through a difficult phase.”

JongIn smiled sadly at his friend. They knew that something didn’t ring true.

We lied to find comfort. Sehun was besotted of this sham. He found secure in it, just like he find himself into his eyes. LuHan appeared in his field of vision. The doe-eyes always came to see him at Jongin’s café. He walked until his person, then sat in front of him.

“Did you write something today, love?”

“Nothing, as usual… What about you? How was your work?”

“Tiring, but Minseok…”

Sehun had lose the thread, LuHan always talked about his colleague. Sehun simply couldn’t care less. He wanted his lover to talk about himself, to show him his design project. He acted fake and smiled at him time to time. LuHan didn’t care at all about his white page syndrome. He was the cause of it, but he didn’t give a damn! The babyface always knew that he was Sehun’s muse. Unfortunately, he had stopped worrying about it.

“Do you care about me?” asked Sehun out of nowhere.

LuHan was confused. Why would Sehun asked him such a question out of the blue?

“Why suddenly?”

“Answer it.”

“Of course I do. I love you so much Sehun! What’s wrong? Did I do something bad?”

He needed to feel reassured. Even if, he knew that it wasn’t completely the truth. LuHan had cease to care a long time ago. But, it was better than nothing. He clang into the small hope that live inside him.

“You didn’t. I love you too.”

“Idiot!”

LuHan was so cute when he was upset. He was the cutest. LuHan was the one who slowly burnt his heart and made him feel alive. It was a perfect contradiction. A succulent road to hell.

Sehun was a fool for his husband. A pathetic man without any dignity. He preferred being blind than acting like an adult. What could he tell him? He felt so lonely. Lonely by his side. His heart was so heavy that sometimes it was hard to breath. And, it was difficult to look at him in his eyes without the need to disappear. Through the years their love had struggled to remain intact. He wasn’t the same. They weren’t the same too. They had changed and the beautiful love that embrace them formerly, didn’t exist anymore. Each of them had created their own sphere, their own world were the other didn’t belong to. Obviously, notwithstanding of all these sweet lies, Sehun hoped that one day he will have the courage to face his lover. And not fall for his words when his acts show something else. However, it wasn’t easy. The beautiful veil above his eyes created a perfect illusion.

It was raining outside and the raindrops flowed on the window. Sehun found that particularly hypnotizing. The rain was beautiful. The rainy days were his favorite, he was a pluviophile. He liked the mood the rain created. Every droplet were so free, without any fear to fall on the floor. The man decided to open the window in order to enjoy the relaxing sound of the shower. He closed his eyes and let his head in the clouds. A frail silhouette come out suddenly and sat next to him. The other one put his head on Sehun’s shoulders, without saying any word. The silence lingered but he was nice. Very nice. LuHan runs his hands until finding Sehun’s big one. He intertwined their fingers with a smile on his face.

_“I would like to be like the rain,_

_Flowing along your body,_

_And feeling every nook of your skin._

_I would like to wash away all the pain,_

_Transform your lips into a smile,_

_And making your eyes sparkle in happiness._

_I would like to be the main character,_

_Be the one in your heart._

_I just would like to leave my mark on you, like the rain does.”_

 

“You already did.” Whispered the babyface into Sehun’s ear.

Sehun opened his lids dumbstruck by his words. LuHan was smiling at him, for once he was the same as before. The latter placed his palm on his husband’s cheek.

“I know it’s been hard these days Sehun. But it’s going to be okay. I trust you, I believe in you.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore.”

It was hard to not have any inspiration. Writing was all his life. Writing, allowed him to be whoever he wanted. It was his therapy. He needed it more thananything. But, all was white or full of crossing-out. This feeling was devastating, he had the hunch that it was the end of a wonderful dream… So, he just cried.

“It’s okay. Love.”

No it wasn’t. Nothing was okay.

“You will always be my favorite novelist.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re the one who can make me laugh and even cry just by your gift of writing.”

Sehun cried even more. Why was his heart beating so painfully?

“I need to get some fresh air.”

“Sehun, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t…”

Sehun ran outside their apartment. He wanted to scream but nothing came out of his mouth. Everything was a blur around him, because of his tears which never had stopped, mixing with the rain. His world was broken, his only way-out was not anymore, everything that remained was the nostalgia. Sehun lived with melancholia of his memories who were soaked by the water. But, tonight he felt like he wasn’t the only one who was sad. The sky was sad with him.

**From Baby Lu** **11:23 pm.**

**“Where are you? Come back home, I’m scared.”**

The thunder ripped the dark sky. The sound was brutal, scary for some, strong for the others. Sehun felt at ease outside, under this shitty weather. It felt like home.

**From Baby Lu 0:04 AM.**

“ **Sehun comeback home. Don’t leave me alone.”**

**From Baby Lu 0:26 AM.**

**“I love you. I will always do Sehun no matter what happens. I’m begging you right now, I’m scared without you.”**

LuHan was scared by the thunder and Sehun cared. A bit too much, probably.

**To Baby Lu 0:37 AM**

**“I’m coming back. Don’t be scared.”**

**“I love you too.”**

For him, he had lost all his amour propre, but LuHan was worth it. He gave him so much. In the same time that he took so much from him. The babyface had created many wounds on his skin, who slowly reached his heart. When he opened the door from his apartment, LuHan jumped into his arms, even if he was completely soaked.

“I will take a quick shower.”

Inside the shower, Sehun wanted to break into pieces. Will LuHan care? He wasn’t sure. All that matter was his own well-being. He didn’t even know if LuHan truly loved him anymore. Sehun had always been the type of person who didn’t have any confidence in himself, with all of that he felt weak. The man was exhausted. But, his smile was so pretty and his hug so warm. LuHan was more than just a lover for him, he was his whole life. This love was like a cage. He was trapped by his feeling, they enchained him.

“I feel better now that you’re home.”

Not him.

“Don’t run away like that anymore, please.”

“Ok.”

He wasn’t sure about that. Actually, he wanted to run until oblivion.

“Sehun, look at me.”

He did with a lot of regrets.

“I love you, ok?”

Why did he always trust his words?

“Ok.”

“Good night love.”

“Good night baby.”

LuHan made him feel so lonely and so in love at the same time. He hugged him tightly so that LuHan will feel safe. The doe-eyes kissed his lips softly before falling asleep in his arms. He fell too, even more in the point of no return.

They were in love. Yet, they weren’t.

 

When you grow up, your mind becomes full of memories. Full of regrets. Full of tears and smiles. Your present sometimes wasn’t the one you wish you had. So, it felt like everything in what you believed before was only a utopia.

Sehun admired his lover with a sad smile. He had left himself live in their past. He had forgotten to bring his happiness in their present life.

“Smile. Why are you looking so sad?”

Sehun looked at his friend without any envy to smile.

“I have the right not to.”

Why should he smile? His husband was having the time of his life with JongIn’s boyfriend, Kyungsoo. He didn’t feel well. Sehun felt out of place.

“I am happy that he and Kyungsoo get along well. They’re having fun and you should too.”

“I’m happy too.”

He wasn’t. Sehun was jealous.

“Sehun sing with me!” Said LuHan who had too many drinks.

“I don’t want to. You should sit a bit.”

“Love, sing with me.” Pouted the doe-eyes.

Sehun took Luhan’s hand and forced him to sit down.

“Love, why don’t you want to sing with me?”

“Lu…”

“You don’t love me anymore, right? That’s why you don’t want.”

The babyface started to cry. Sehun was taken aback by his reaction.

“Of course not baby! I love you! I’m just not in the mood for singing.”

LuHan looked down with tears flowing down his cheeks.

“You seem so sad these days, I don’t know what to do… I feel useless.”

 

Sehun felt guilty. LuHan was also affected by his mood.

“You’re not useless. Don’t say that.”

“I am. I feel like I am… I should make my love smile, but I make him sad. I’m a bad husband, right?”

“LuHan… no.”

His heart was beating painfully.

“I make you sad. I’m so soso sorry. I’m such a useless husband…”

It wasn’t just him. They both made the other unhappy.

“You’re not making me sad baby, please stop thinking that you’re useless, that’s not the truth.”

“But you don’t look at me the same way as you used to. Did I become ugly? I can change.”

They both had changed and what remained was an atrocious pain.

“You’re so beautiful Lu. Stop putting yourself down, you’re still the prettiest in the world for me, that will never change. ”

Never.

“When I said that I love you, I really do Sehun. I love you so freaking much… I want to make you happy but you never smile when I told you that these days...”

 Sometimes love wasn’t enough when the pain had proliferated through their veins.

“I love you too. I’m sorry.”

He hugged his husband, even if JongIn and Kyungsoo were watching them. He didn’t care. Their love was real. Even though everything showed the opposite. They were stronger than the sorrow that surrounded them.

They were stronger than anything.

Sehun was blind. He lived in a fantasy where happy ending will always occur. He truly believed that the sun will shine more than before, it was only a matter of time. Honestly, he was stuck in his dreamland more than he really lived in the present. Everything was progressing around him and he was stuck in a crossroad. What path should he take? He had no idea. Should he move forward? Should he stay here? He didn’t know. Sehun was lost. He had lost himself.

What if all of this was a nightmare? He wanted it so bad. LuHan and he were soulmates. They always had been happy together. They were the perfect couple. The perfect combination. Yet, it didn’t explain why Sehun felt surrounded with disenchantment. His body was literally in pain and not because he felt incomplete. He had difficulty breathing, his stomach hurt him so much. He looked a few seconds at LuHan’s body lying by his side before running right through the bathroom. Before he could have the time to understand anything, something flew from his lips. It was a red petal. A tiny red petal, followed by ten other bloody petals on the floor. What had happened? What was this? The man fell down on his knees without understanding anything. He took one petal between his fingers and started to cry alone in the darkness, his hands stained by the blood.

Alone in the bathroom, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Why did he look so despicable? He wanted to erase his face, erase everything that portrays his soul, erase all the darkness in this body. He wasn’t normal but in fact nobody was. Normality was like most of things: subjective. His reflection reflected all the things he hated. Only, how could he change? He wasn’t normal, he will never be normal…  Sehun was a lost soul in this world far too complicated. When he came back to his room, he hesitated to walk to his bed for fear of contaminating his lover. Coughing up petals was so weird and distasteful. He still didn’t understand how it could happen. Why him? He needed to make some research about it… or not. He didn’t know anymore what he really wanted. The abnormal finally lay beside his husband, brushing his warm skin. He felt a bit better now. LuHan was so beautiful when he was sleeping, such a wonderful landscape to admire before sleeping in a dark world full of demons and fear.

The following day, Sehun felt like his body had change during the night or was it the fruit of his imagination? He felt dizzy. LuHan had already left for his work, leaving him alone in their lifeless apartment. The young man admired the city through the window of their living room. The weather was cloudy, just as his mind. The city felt morose, it wasn’t very pretty to look at. Sehun decided to sit in front of his desk and turned on his laptop. He needed to know the hows and the whys of what happened last night. He was shaking like a leaf so much he was frightened. What would happen after? Will he stay the same? Probably not. Sweat ran along his temples as he finally had the courage to look at the screen.

His world suddenly became insignificant.

His vision completely blurry.

He fell on the carpet breaking all his hope. Never had he experienced a pain so severe in his whole life. It was as if he was dead with an alive body. His heart contracted in his chest before beating fast. His heart felt so heavy. All his world had just been destroyed…

**_ “Hanahaki Disease _ ** **_: It is an illness born from UNREQUITED LOVE that causes flowers to grow in the lungs. The sick person will cough up petals with increasing frequency until they suffocate to death with the flowers fillings their chest._ **

****

**_There is two ways to cure it: first, the love must be reciprocated. The other way to cure it is surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the sick person’s romantic feeling for his love also disappear.”_ **

**LuHan wasn’t in love with him.**

This love was killing him softly.

Love wasn’t meant to be like that. He wasn’t meant to hurt like that.

So, he just ran far away from all this pain… He ran outside his apartment with tears flowing down his cheeks. The man thought that this kind of thing only appeared in fictions, that it wasn’t even real.  Nevertheless, everything was the reality, it wasn’t a dream. It was **real**. How could he breathe when everything was poisoned? It was too much to handle. Too difficult to stand. He gave himself a slap, in order to get his thoughts straight. Then, he tried to calm his breathing. It wasn’t possible. LuHan loved him. He loved him! Why did it resonated so fake in his mind? Why couldn’t he believe it when he wanted to? Tears were always pouring when the truth burnt our expectations. Alone in an alley, he fell on his knees on the concrete. All this time when he felt unappreciated wasn’t because of his weird mind. LuHan truly didn’t value him as much as he believed. Why did it have to turn that way?

Sometimes, Sehun wished life was like his books where he just needed to erase the part that didn’t please him and change it. In this book which was his life, he felt useless. His eyes were only witnesses of his misery. The emptiness in his heart started to slowly eat him away. He was falling in the darkness without any protections. The demons inside were laughing at him, they wanted to eat him alive. No one was prepared for such a disillusionment because love makes you so blind that you hide the truth to yourself, in order to live happily. But, happily ever after only exist in fairy tales. Sehun had dreamt too much of it, without thinking that one day it could be destroyed by his own hands. Why was he so feeble? Every aspect of him was detestable. That’s why his love has faded away. Since the beginning, their love was fragile but they didn’t take the time to make it stronger. Time made things ephemeral and you couldn’t change a thing.

Sehun and LuHan were two flowers who dried up and fell apart.

**From Baby Lu – 11:56 pm**

**“Where are you?”**

Sehun looked at his phone’s screen with a sad smile on his lips. He, then close his eyes which were completely red. He had cried so much today. But, he was still crying on the bar counter with an empty glass of vodka in his hand. Alcohol was his friend tonight. It helped him feel as light as a feather on a cloud. Maybe he looked crazy, alone, crying and laughing at the same time but he didn’t care. His heart was in a million pieces on the floor and it hurt so much. He wasn’t able to see him now, looking so miserable. LuHan didn’t care about him after all. What would he care of his absence? He was just acting like a good husband, it was just a façade. It wasn’t love anymore. It was the habit of taking care of each other, nothing more than that. This realization hurt him even more, cutting him deep in his already destroyed heart. Even if it wasn’t the best way to feel better, he decided to drink more glasses of alcohol, in order to drown his sorrow. Wasn’t he so lovely here looking like a fallen character? He thought so.

“Where were you?!” Was the first thing Luhan asked him when he returned home.

Sehun couldn’t think straight at this moment because he was drunk.

“You’re not going to answer me?”

Why did he look so angry? Why did he act like he cared?

“You smell like alcohol, are you drunk?”

Sehun wanted to scream but instead he hugged him. It was the only way to keep his countenance in front of him.

“Why Sehun?” He asked before gently pushing him away. “Why are you drunk?”

 “You’re so beautiful.” Said the broken man.

“Sehun…”

“I love you so much, you know? Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe without you.”

LuHan stayed frozen. He didn’t know how to answer nor how to feel at this moment.

“I love you so much that it’s hurting me… “

Sehun couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.

“But, I’m so happy to be with you at the same time because you’re all I want.”

His dark orbs were trying to send a message to the person opposite him. Could he feel his broken heart? Could he feel every bruise on his pale skin? LuHan walked slowly to him before hugging him as if his life was depending on it. He needed it. He needed to feel alive and appreciated by his lover. The way Luhan carefully put his head on his legs and stroked tenderly his hair, made Sehun’s heart melt.

“Love, don’t drink anymore. Talk to me instead when you’re feeling down. Don’t hide your feelings. Every human has their ups and downs and it’s okay, right?”

It was not. Sehun closed his eyes without answering. He couldn’t do it.

“You will do it, right?”

Instead of lying Sehun decided to kiss LuHan softly on his lips. The babyface put his hand on Sehun’s cheek. His light brown eyes were shining like two diamonds. They were precious.

“Answer me.” He said calmly.

Sehun didn’t want to answer. He simply couldn’t do it. Why did LuHan always complicate everything?

“Why?”

“You don’t trust me anymore?”

It was only because of him. It was his fault! Sehun stood up even though his vision was spinning around. Why was it always so intricate to be in love? He stayed without moving, his eyes betraying his truth.

“Lu…”

“Tell me… Tell me what did I do? Why are you distancing yourself from me? I don’t understand!” Cried the doe-eyes.

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

He fell on his knees in front of his lover as if his secret had been discovered.

“I’m sorry.”

LuHan sat down in front of him, his face full of tears.

“Stop.”

“But I’m…”

“Stop Sehun.”

They had found love in each other in the past. Unfortunately, there were both broken by it.

The night wasn’t calm tonight. In their bed, they tried to make themselves feel complete again. This little love was enough to revive the flames inside their hearts. It wasn’t like before, everything seemed to be more intense, their touches, the feeling of their skin touching and their kisses seemed different. Everything was different and the veil above their bodies danced, it flitted around, creating a soothing image. A new world who belonged only to them. A utopia where everything would change in a snap of the fingers, where the hurtful words would fade on the slate and made way for innocent children’s drawings full of hope. Love is reborn from its fervent flames, it is never the same. It is only the fruit of their imagination completely enamored of phantasms. It makes them alive under this sheet soiled by their flesh. But, subsequently when the fire is extinguished, nothingness appears and words become devoid of sense. Their senses escape and get lost in their deaf ears. Lust is only a way-out, like any other, that has only one effect that doesn’t last in time.  Everything flies and does not come back.

Love is just an illusion.

Sehun always fell for its lies.

“I love you. I’ll be always there for you Sehun. **Always.** ”

_Always._

_Always._

_Always._

Would you always be there even though I’m dying because of you? Sehun coughed bloody petals on the bathroom floor. Everything was not as beautiful as it used to be. All these petals reminded Sehun that LuHan was not the one he pretended to be in front of him. He wasn’t the same as before. His love for him had faded away with time, it didn’t exist anymore. It was the sad reality. A reality that slowly destroyed his body from the inside.

Every day was the same. Every night was horrible for Sehun, he kept on coughing harder, more petals without LuHan noticing it. His skin had become paler, but LuHan wasn’t worried about it, or he didn’t show it. Sehun looked like a zombie with his big dark circles, LuHan didn’t look at him anymore. Where were his sparkling eyes? Those eyes who looked at him with so much love in it. They were gone. Nothing remained the same as the days went by. They were more like roommates than lovers. The silence took place when they ate together, face to face. How could they get there? Sehun asked himself. How? Why? He felt so alone with LuHan. He didn’t feel like himself anymore in his company. This feeling was very irritating. He used to feel so safe with him. He used to be himself the most in his presence. Now, they were like strangers. LuHan was a stranger and it hurts Sehun to feel this way toward his lover. But he didn’t know what to do. What should he do? His husband was also distancing himself from him. He started to come back home more and more later, as if he wanted to see Sehun less and less. Maybe it was better this way, maybe they needed some time to become as they were before. Sehun smiled sadly, he was ready to wait as long as it takes.

If only he had the time to wait. As time was progressing, his health became worse and he knew it. Staying with LuHan wasn’t a good idea but he couldn’t help it, he was in love with him. He didn’t want to leave his husband. Sehun preferred to suffer by his side even if it was killing him, he didn’t care anymore. His life was hopeless. Things were getting worse every day, he started to fell into the turbulence of life. His publishing house wanted absolutely something from him, if not they will break their contract. Sehun sighed, his eyes full of tears. Why was everything against him? Why couldn’t he be happy for once? Why did everything collapsed?

“Hey, how are you doing these days?” Asked JongIn who put a coffee on his table.

“Fine.” Lied Sehun. “I’m fine.”

His friend shook his head and sat in front of him.

“You look like a freaking zombie! How could you tell me that you’re fine? You’re far from being fine. Tell me the truth.”

Sehun smiled, preferring to wear his mask. Why did he have to be real when nobody really cared?

“I’m fine Jong In.”

“Stop doing that. Stop acting in front of me! I’m not him and I will never be him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not him Sehun. I see through you, it’s not necessary to hide yourself behind your lies.”

Sehun started to sob, he was feverish. Jong In took his hands in his.

“It’s okay, take your time.”

Jong In had always been someone so caring and soft. He was the best friend that everyone could dream of. But, at this moment Sehun wanted to never have known him. It was so devastating. He was completely broke. He wanted to die.

“You have lost weight…”

“I know.”

His body was weak without any vitality. He was the portrait of his decline.

“Tell me.”

JongIn was insistent, it was his way of showing that he cared. Sehun closed his eyes, his heart was beating painfully under his rib cage.

“He doesn’t love me. LuHan… he-he is a liar.”

A beautiful liar.

“Are you sure?”

I wish I was wrong, but I am not. I am sure of that. His lies are creating flowers inside of me.

“I would like not to be sure.”

“Sehun…”

“I love him, I love him so much…it’s just not enough.”

JongIn wiped his tears with his fingers.

“Love is not meant to be perfect. Love needs time to grow. It will always have its ups and downs and moments of disillusionment. You cannot ask someone to love you the same way as it was in the beginning. Love will always change.”

“You have changed too Sehun. Face him, you can’t run away from your problem it will eventually end badly. Both of you will get hurt if you don’t try to make up with each other.”

Sehun knew that he was right. However, how could he talk with LuHan? How? He was afraid to tell him how he felt and the repercussion that this could have.

“I’m afraid of losing him.”

“He loves you.”

He doesn’t love me. He is a liar. A beautiful enchanting creature.

“What if he does not anymore?”

“He does.”

Sehun wanted to scream. LuHan wasn’t in love with him anymore! He knew it. He felt it inside!

“How could you be so sure of that?”

Jong In didn’t know anything about LuHan. He was like him, fooled by the babyface. He stayed quiet for a moment. There were no good answers because you couldn’t be 100 percent sure about anything.

“Why were you crying?” Asked Jong In suddenly.

“If I don’t write something it’s over…”

“Sehun I…”

“It’s okay Jong In…I can’t be a novelist all my life.”

“But, it’s what you always liked to do. You’re good at writing and expressing your feelings with it.”

“It’s over now…”

Sehun cried one more time. Giving up on his dream wasn’t easy. It was like losing a part of him. Nevertheless, you couldn’t always do what you wanted in your life, even though it was your goal. Sometimes dreams should stay in your head. Reality was so complicated and it shattered your dreams. His desire to write was still here but he couldn’t do it. Nothing wanted to be transcribed on the paper.

“He’s here.”

Sehun stay frozen on his chair. He wasn’t ready. Not now, it was too early! His eyes were still red because of his tears. He didn’t look good at all. LuHan walked with a friend of him to his table. Each of his steps made Sehun’s heart hurt inside his body.  When he was near him, he couldn’t watch him so he let his face down. Sehun was like a shy baby who couldn’t look in the eyes of people he wasn’t comfortable with. Under the table he played with his fingers feeling anxious. He could feel LuHan’s gaze piercing his soul.

“Hi guys.” Pronounced LuHan.

Jong In answered him but Sehun didn’t. His voice got lost somewhere deep in his throat. So, he just stayed quiet. LuHan put his delicate hand on his shoulder pressing it. Instinctively, Sehun lifted his face in his direction.

“I-I missed you.” Stuttered the doe-eyes.

Sehun became crimson. LuHan’s sentence made his heart flutter. He missed him too. He missed him so much.

“Baby…”

“You’re so cute when you’re blushing love.”

LuHan’s smile was the prettiest for Sehun. When he smiled, Sehun felt warm inside his stomach. It made him feel safe. And when Sehun felt safe, he was more confident. That’s why, he decided to hug his husband without any shame. He loved him so much. LuHan was his everything. The fragrance and the softness of his skin reassured the taller one. His baby hugged him too with a big smile on his face as if they were the only one on this earth.

“Hmm hmm.” Jong In hawked in order to catch the lovers’ attention.

They both let go of each other and sat face to face. Their faces were red of embarrassment but it was worth doing it. LuHan introduced them to his friend. His name was Baekhyun. Sehun thought that he was cute. However, as soon as he noticed how he looked at his husband, he started hating him. He watched LuHan with stars in his eyes and his lover smiled a lot because of him. Sehun started to feel guilty. Why wasn’t he the reason for his smile? Why wasn’t he the reason anymore? The insecurities inside him grew everyday a bit more. It made him feel like a piece of shit. He didn’t deserve to be with LuHan. But, who really deserved it? No one. He was too good for this world. Sehun was despicable compared to him.

“Sehun? Love?”

The lost soul snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Luhan’s precious voice.

“What are you thinking about?”

Sehun wanted to tell the truth, but it wasn’t neither the moment nor the place.

“Nothing.”

LuHan pouted. He was the cutest human being.

“Weren’t you thinking of me?”

“I’m always thinking of you.” Smiled Sehun.

LuHan blushed hiding his face behind his delicate hands. The innocent him was the purest thing in the world.

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying.”

I think of you every second, every day, when I am happy, when I am sad. You are the only one I could think of.

“You’re so cute.” Said Sehun while taking LuHan’s hands in his.

The other one played with his fingers without daring to glance at him. The feeling of his warm skin against his cold one was amazing. His long fingers caressed his palm. The talkative LuHan had become quiet and calm. His index brushed the bones of his wrist then rested on his forearm. His smile had become saturnine.

“I love you.” He whispered his gaze focusing on Sehun’s bone.

Sehun took his arm off the table. Something felt wrong. Maybe it was the sadness in his eyes, or maybe it was the pain inside of him. This pain was even stronger than before, everything was spreading quickly. He apologized and run to the toilet where he poured his grief. Why was loving him so painful? Why were the petals more numerous than before? He almost couldn’t breathe, so much the pain was intense. With his back against the door, he wiped the sweat on his forehead. How long would he be able to hold out? The petals will soon start to make a real flower…

“When are you going to tell him?”

Sehun froze on his spot. Jong In was here. He had heard him coughing and now he admired the blood on the commissure of his lips.

“Jong In…”

“Stop fleeing Sehun! Stop being a coward!”

Sehun felt ashamed. He was afraid of telling the truth. It was not an easy task. LuHan had always been the one for him. The one he trusted the most. Telling him about his disease will probably destroy everything that he was linked to. He was petrified of losing his reason to live.

“I’m afraid.”

I’m so afraid. I don’t want this love to remain only as a memory. I want to keep my feeling for him. Forever and ever.

“You’re dying!”

“I know Jong In.”

His friend had tears in his eyes. For the first time, he knew that he didn’t make the right decision.

“You can’t let that happen… I will never forgive you if you…”

“I don’t know what to do! You don’t know how I feel! You don’t know what it feels like to hear him tell me that he loves me when it’s not true! Put yourself in my shoes! What would you do if it was Kyungsoo?!” He exploded.

His body was shaking but he felt better.

“Make him fall in love with me again.”

Sehun gazed his friend, his heart full of hope.

“Not everything gets better in time Sehun. Sometimes it gets worse. Don’t live with regrets…”

_Don’t live with regrets._

Sehun admired his life pass before his eyes. How could he do that? How could he climb the walls that surrounded him? He was not strong enough. He did not know how to overcome his fears. They hung him on the ground, preventing him from moving and proving to himself that nothing was over and that at the end of the dark tunnel was the light he sought so much. LuHan looked at him differently, as the days went by. Sehun didn’t like it. He seemed to pity him for his look. He had lost so much weight that he didn’t look the same anymore. LuHan must think that he had become ugly now. But, what could he do against his disease? _You can do many things against it. Act like an adult!_ He thought even if he knew that it was easier said than done.

“Sehun eat something. “ Said LuHan with concern.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But, you have not eaten at all today.  Eat something.”

“Don’t act like you care.” He replied as he get up of his chair.

He was not going to eat dinner tonight.

“What are you talking about?”

If you don’t try to change anything, everything stays the same. You cannot ask for a change if you’re not able to do something for it. Sehun was the game Master, he had the keys in hand.

“Stop doing that!”

“Sehun I-I…”

“Stop playing with my heart! It fucking hurts me!”

It hurts so badly. If only you had opened your eyes, you would have seen the pain growing inside both our hearts.

“I’m not playing with you. I had never played with you Sehun.” He affirmed dumbstruck.

“Why are you like that? Why are you denying a fucking fact?! You played with me!”

LuHan walked to Sehun and slapped him.

“I’m like that because I care about you! Why don’t you want to understand? I love you…”

“No…No you don’t. You don’t love me. You’re trying to convince yourself that you do, but we both know that you don’t anymore.”

Sehun didn’t want to cry but he simply couldn’t. His heart was beating so fast that he had the hunch that it will explode. He couldn’t fight. He had already lost his war against himself. As he run to the bathroom LuHan followed him.

You used to be the one who watched me with sparkling eyes. Now, you are the one who glanced at me with tears flowing down your cheeks. LuHan, I’m sorry.

Bloody petals were on the floor in front of LuHan’s feet. He fell on his knees at this sight figuring out everything. Sehun was still coughing above the toilet. All this lies, all this pain, needed to come out. The blood flowed on his lips as he was facing LuHan who was by his side. He carefully put his hand on his cheeks without breaking their eye contact despite their blurry visions.

“Sehun…”

“Don’t say you love me when it’s not true.”

“But I-I do.”

Sehun rejected him making him fall on the hard floor.

“Stop lying to me… stop doing that. It’s useless LuHan! I’m not a kid I can stand this reality, I can stand it.”

No I can’t. I can’t stand it.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want to fight anymore LuHan.”

The babyface cried, his heart was broken into pieces.

“I cannot live in a life where you are not in love with me.”

I wish we can go back in time and stay forever where we were happy together. I want to remember the time when you were the only one for me and where I was the only one in your heart.

“I’d rather die than live without being your only one.”

“You’re still my only one…”

“You know that I’m dying because of this unrequited love right?”

LuHan cried even more. It was the saddest image that Sehun had seen in his whole life.

“That’s not fair!”

Love is not meant to be fair.

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth? I am not good enough for you right?” Asked Sehun.

“That’s not true. It’s just…”

“It just what LuHan? All this time when you said that you loved me, were you lying too?!”

“That’s not fair Sehun! I loved you. I loved you so much that I lost myself!”

“How could you say something like that?!”

“All these years I have always been here for you! But, who was here for me? Not you. You were always busy with your books, you were always busy for everything but me. Did you once ever asked yourself how I felt? Did you once asked yourself: is he happy? I wasn’t happy at all Sehun. I was alone! I lied all this time because I loved you. But…”

Sehun realized that he had been selfish all these years. You couldn’t ask the flame to ignite if there was no one to make it.

“Did you ever ask yourself: Is my husband happy?”

LuHan stayed silent. He knew that he was making Sehun feel the same way as he did back then. But, in the past Sehun loved him too. He loved him so much.

“Sehun…”

He wiped the blood from his lips and stood up. Sehun was a coward. But, he couldn’t endure anymore to feel so much pain. His heart was so heavy. The guiltiness was eating him as the same time as the sadness. LuHan had played with his heart.

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Why? This conversation is not over!”

“Why should I stay? You’re making me feel guilty and you are hurting me.”

LuHan pulled Sehun by his wrist. He will not let him go.

“Do you like making me suffer?”

Sehun was tired of trying. He wanted to stop everything.

“I don’t. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Then, why you didn’t ever try to talk to me? Why were you faking everything?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you but I failed… ”

“You were not here when I needed you the most. I always thought that you were my soulmate but a soulmate is not meant to hurt you. “

LuHan’s tears flowed again on his cheeks.

“I always fell for your lies even when I knew it was one. I’ve been blind because of my feelings for you even though it made me feel so empty inside.”

“I know that I’m not perfect but you were making me feel like I was the perfect one for you...I’m a useless piece of shit with too many dreams that ended up broken by my own hands.”

“You’re not.”

“If I wasn’t like that you would always have feelings for me.”

“I still have feelings for you.”

“But, you don’t love me anymore. The only thing I wanted so much in my life was your love LuHan. I don’t care about the other things…”

LuHan took Sehun’s hand in his. He was shaking so much he was crying. And Sehun felt his insides burning. For the first time, he coughed his petals on the living room. His one-sided love petals.

“I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to lose you. I will change, I promise.”

“Don’t promise me things you can’t keep. My death is near LuHan…”

“I don’t want to lose you! I won’t let you die! I won’t. I’m sorry…”

“You can’t force yourself. You can’t fall in love with me again…”

“Make me fall in love with you again Sehun… make me love you so much that I can’t breathe when you’re not here with me, please… Please… let me love you again.”

“LuHan…”

“Don’t die please… Please let me always be by your side. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live a life when you’re not my lover anymore. Please Sehun… I’m so sorry, I was so blind but I don’t want to be blind again… I’m sorry.”

LuHan held Sehun in his arms lest he escapes him. Their love was not over. It could not finish like this. It has to be reborn from its ashes.

_Let me repair your heart._

“Show me how to fight, help me to fight for your love. “

LuHan smiled, his face reflecting into the glassy eyes of Sehun. He will always be here with him no matter what, in the good and bad times.

 

Sehun needed to be strong. He needed to believe in his husband even though it wasn’t easy. All his insecurities were still here and reminded him that LuHan had probably lied to him. However, when he opened his eyes and saw his pretty lover next to him, he knew that LuHan wanted to give them another chance. The babyface snuggled against his chest. In this position Sehun could smell LuHan’s floral fragrance, his enchanting scent. He encircled LuHan’s small waist and put his lips at the top of his head. LuHan purred against his lover speeding up Sehun’s heart rate. The small one glanced at him with his big beautiful eyes and a small smile on his rosy lips.

“Good morning my love.”

Sehun blushed as if it was their first morning together. It felt like it was. LuHan laughed at this cute sight, making Sehun blush even more. His lover’s laugh was so precious. He missed hearing this sound.

“You’re so cute LuHan.”

The cutest baby in the world pouted. Sehun could not help holding him tight against his body. He missed these mornings where they were cuddly with each other. He missed them so much that having it back made him emotional. LuHan wiped his tears with the back of his hand. Then, he slowly kissed his lips without any haste. It was light, full of passion and sincerity. When LuHan broke the kiss, he pressed their foreheads, his sparkling eyes gazing the dark ones of his husband. He took his hands into his and intertwined their fingers.

“I won’t let you cry again. I will make you smile.”

Sehun already wanted to cry, but he held back his tears.

“Your smile is precious to me Sehun.”

Sehun never had been the type of person to smile a lot. In fact, he always had been reserved with his feelings. He didn’t like to show them to the world lest it hurt him. LuHan was the one who made him smile so much. He was the only with whom he felt himself. LuHan made him feel happy. He was his source of happiness. His ray of sunshine in this misty life. His only one.

“So is yours.”

LuHan skimmed Sehun’s cheeks then played with his dark hair.

“Love, why are you so ethereal?”

Sehun smiled, hiding his face in the hollow of Luhan’s neck.

“You are a baby.” LuHan pronounced with a hint of amusement in his voice.

The taller of the two slid his hands under the top of the smaller one and started to tickle him. LuHan screamed on the bed because of this sudden attack. He wasn’t prepared at all! Sehun took perverse pleasure in making him laugh and squirm on the mattress.

“Stop! Stop it!” LuHan yelled.

Sehun couldn’t stop his sweet torture. He liked seeing LuHan like this, he was so beautiful.

“Stop it!”

Tears were flowing down LuHan’s so much he was laughing.

“Who is the baby now?”

“YOU!”

Sehun who wasn’t pleased with this answer tickled him again with even more intensity.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!... NO, IT’S ME! Please stop!”

Sehun stopped his torture. Then, he kissed his lover all over his face, avoiding his tempting lips.

“You’re my baby.” He whispered in his lover’s ear.

LuHan’s face became crimson. This view made Sehun’s heart melt. His husband was the perfect representation of temptation. He was so adorable that you would never imagine how nasty he could be sometimes. But, Sehun couldn’t forget. Even though, he was feeling better this morning he was still afraid of falling deeper into this black hole which was the end of the road of life.

The beautiful flowers grows until hatching. Love and flowers looked alike in his eyes. They both needed time, patience and a lot of attention. If you couldn’t take the time to cherish your flowers, they would eventually die, so was Love. Just like Sehun. He patted the table with the tip of his fingers, watching the water inside the vase moving at the same rhythm. The flowers had bloomed. They were so pretty and smelled amazingly good. LuHan had offered him a dozen of red roses. Sehun had felt moved by this present. Now, when he looked at them, he just wanted to throw them away. They reminded him that every day, the flower inside his lungs started to stop him for breathing correctly and that he could feel their branches when his ribcage went up and down. LuHan wanted to do well, but unfortunately he was clumsy. He hurt Sehun even when he didn’t intend to. Sehun sighed, he was so tired of living this life. This one-sided love had become an important weight to bear. Making LuHan fall in love with him again seemed to be unrealistic. How should he go about it? Everything was so natural back then. He missed this beautiful time when he knew how to woo LuHan. Presently, he was lost without any landmarks. What should he do?

Sehun walked with his hands inside his pockets. He had decided to pick his husband up at his work. He knew that LuHan will feel happy to see him here. Nevertheless, he didn’t expect to see LuHan with another an in front of the building. They were talking to each other with almost no space between them. The taller an touched LuHan’s cheek but LuHan removed his hand with a sudden gesture. Sehun couldn’t take it anymore. He saw red. He walked fast towards the two individual. When LuHan saw him, he appeared to be relieved and he made Sehun wonder what was happening. Why was this tall guy looking at him like this? LuHan hugged him with a smile as if nothing had happened.

“Sehun, I’m so happy to see you here.” He said.

LuHan knew so well how to act as if he was fine when he wasn’t. He was used to wearing a mask. It makes Sehun sad at this realization. It felt like it was his fault that his husband had withdrawn into himself.

“What’s wrong with him?” Sehun asked looking deep inside the other orbs.

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

“Lu…”

“Let’s go love.”

LuHan dragged him away out of his sight. Sehun couldn’t forget the fear on LuHan’s face and the other man’s dark eyes. What were they doing? He could not help but wonder.

They walked together to a bakery and sat next to each other on the bench. LuHan’s couldn’t stop watching Sehun. It was as if he wanted to print every corner of his face in his memory. He was smiling too and the light was reflecting inside his brown eyes. He was a magnificent piece of art. LuHan took one of his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Do you remember when we used to see each other in this kind of place? You took your chocolate cake and I took a cup of coffee. Sometimes, you wanted to taste my coffee but it was too bitter and you asked me how I could drink something like that…”

“Yeah… I do remember. It was my favorite moment of the day. I wanted to spend my time only with you and knowing every one of your secrets.”

That time seemed so far now in his mind. They were young and innocent. Young and inexperienced.

“It also was my favorite moment of my day. I liked watching your face blush, hearing the sound of your laugh. It felt so nice knowing that I was the reason of your smile.”

“Being alone with you made me happy.”

Sehun tightened his grip on LuHan’s hand. He missed those times so much. He wished that it could be like that again. The lost soul really wished that everything will fall into place, one day before it’s too late. LuHan wiped off the tears on Sehun’s face that he didn’t know were flowing.

“It was so obvious that I was in love with you but you were so innocent to see this.”

Sehun smiled. He always had been slow for noticing these kinds of things. For him, never in a thousand million lives was it possible that LuHan could have been in love with him. But it happened to be.

“I thought that I wasn’t good enough to be loved by someone like you.”

LuHan took a sip of his warm coffee and gave Sehun a charming look. He smirked.

“You are more than enough to me. You were beyond my expectations Sehun, at that time you know everyone wanted to be with you, even though you were not aware of that.”

“Why?”

Sehun was surprised. He always had been the reserved type of guy. Why did people wanted to be in a relationship with him? It looked like a lie for him.

“Because first of all: You are so handsome. Your body is so beautiful and your face is even more beautiful! Secondly, you were so enigmatic that everyone wanted to discover your secrets. And thirdly, a beautiful man like you with so much talent in writing is so charming!”

Sehun blushed. He never knew that people saw him like that.

“I didn’t know…”

“I know, love. That’s why I never told you that. I wanted to keep you for myself in case you find someone better than me.”

LuHan lowered his eyes, he felt suddenly exposed.

“There is no one better than you LuHan.”

“I wish I was even better but I’m not.”

LuHan looked so sad, his eyes had become glassy and his hands shaky.

“We are both to blame.”

The doe-eyes blinked his tears away and put his head on Sehun’s shoulder.

“There is no one better than you Sehun.”

They were probably lost, that’s why they ended like this not knowing how to truly care and love each other. But at this time, they knew that no matter how hard it would be, they will climb mountains. They were capable of changing the sad ending of their story.

“Who was that man?” Asked Sehun who had not forgotten what happened a few hours ago.

“Nobody.” LuHan answered with a small voice.

“You can tell me everything.”

“I know Sehun. It’s just… that some men think they can be with me even though I’m married.”

“So…He wanted…”

“He thought that there was something between us. But, obviously there is nothing.”

“LuHan why did you hide something like that from me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to be involved in a fight. They are losers and you’re worth better than that.”

“Baby…”

“Let’s go for a walk, I would like to show you something.”

Sehun didn’t want to let go of this conversation. However, when LuHan got up, he followed him. He didn’t like the idea of other men flirting with his lover, but unfortunately he couldn’t change that. LuHan held his hand and lead him to an unknown destination. As they walked, Sehun let his mind feel better, the warmth from LuHan’s hand holding his for some reason made him feel as light as a feather. He didn’t care anymore about their surroundings, he could only focus his attention on his husband’s face and their hands. Their rings were gleaming thanks to the street lamps. They were precious, they sealed their unconditional love for each other.  They were the proof that one day, they had decided to make a promise for a lifetime. A wonderful promise.

All of a sudden, LuHan stopped, next he opened the door and walked inside the place. Sehun felt warm inside his body, LuHan had taken him to a library. One of his favorite places in the world. He really appreciated the smell of the pages of books, reading during hours as much as he liked writing. His husband pulled him towards one of the shelving unit at the bottom of the bookshop. Then, he searched for one book in particular while Sehun stood there without doing anything.

“I’ve found it!” Luhan exclaimed, proud of himself.

Sehun watched him with big eyes. Sometimes, LuHan was oddly weird.

“May I have your autograph Mr. Oh?”

Sehun didn’t know what to say. LuHan held in his hands one of his books. His cheeks glistened with tears, so much his salty pearls were rolling. His heart was beating wildly inside his chest that he had the impression that it was going out his body. For the first time in months, he felt proud of himself. No matter how hard living was, at the end of the day it was all worth it. He hugged LuHan against him even if the pain was still present.

“Thank you… thank you to make me feel this way.” He cried of release and happiness.

He didn’t feel dead inside anymore.

_He was alive although there was blood on his lips and petals on the floor._

Everyday brought its share of surprises. LuHan surprised him each day with a new adventure. He wanted to make up for lost time, this time where they had preferred to lie to each other instead of confront their fears. Nothing is meant to be perfect, their married life couldn’t be perfect from beginning to end. It was impossible and this disease inside of Sehun had showed them all their mistakes. When you play with fire, you end up getting burned. The fire was slowly burning their skin and consumed their beautiful memories. Nonetheless, even if it was hard to breathe in this world Sehun wanted to fight and make theses petals disappear. LuHan’s love was his everything. He appreciated spending time with him and relearn to know him. They had lived together for some years now, but being with him seemed so new. Hearing his laugh, watching his sparkling eyes, kissing his lips, touching his soft skin, everything felt so new. He liked this feeling of resurgence even if he was terrified at the same time. LuHan opened to him a bit more and it made him feel butterflies inside his stomach. Today, LuHan had decided that they needed to go for a walk in a park. The weather was a bit windy but the sun was shining up in the sky. They sat on the grass watching the ducks swim on the surface of the lake. This scenery was so peaceful. Sehun liked it a lot. Although they were quiet, it wasn’t disturbing. It was a comfortable silence. When Sehun finally decided to speak LuHan’s attention was focused on him. His eyes only stared at his. They were connected.

“I like it.” He said calmly.

“Me too.”

LuHan put his head on Sehun’s shoulder, holding his hand firmly.

“Sehun?”

“Yes?”

“I’m afraid.”               

His voice quivered. It was okay to be afraid. Sehun was afraid too.

“I love you, that’s what matter the most. I will always be there if there is no tomorrow. I will always be there inside your heart.”

Sehun took LuHan’s hand and put it gently at the level of his beating heart.

“My heart will always be yours and you will always be mine.”

LuHan clung to Sehun’s sweater with fervor. He was not going to give up.

“I will always love you. I love you Sehun, trust me. I love you more than everything in this world and I’m sorry… for… I’m sorry.”

No words were strong enough to express his distress.

“I love you. Without you my world is cold, without you my world has no meaning.”

Sehun embraced him with all his strength. They didn’t know how tomorrow was going to be. But Sehun knew that LuHan loved him. There were no reasons for him to be scared regardless of him living or not.

LuHan took out of his bag a carnet and offered it to him. He opened it and cried straightaway. His lover had always liked drawing when they were younger. They were the artist couple. LuHan and Sehun were made for each other, that’s what they had always thought. When Sehun saw many sketches of himself on the paper he had felt overwhelmed by his emotions. It’s been so long since he had seen LuHan draw something.

“I always liked drawing your face and your body, especially when you are naked on the bed.”

Sehun blushed, LuHan always had something for his body shapes, he was kind of a pervert to be honest. However, it wasn’t the sketches of his body that marked his mind the most. It was a portrait, a portrait of him with a rose between his lips and thorns encircling his neck. It seemed like his last drawings were made of him with flowers. They were the perfect representation of his disease in an artistic way.

“They’re beautiful. You’re so talented.”

It was LuHan’s turn to blush. Sehun was sincere, he was impressed.

“Thank you love.”

“Can I keep your carnet?” He dared to ask.

“Of course! Maybe it will give you some inspiration.”

Sehun smiled. They will definitely give him inspiration to write.

“Maybe you could draw the cover of my future book.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I would like to.”

“Awh Love, I’m so happy! I will make the best cover ever!”

LuHan’s smile was the prettiest in the world. LuHan was the prettiest man in the world.

Sehun will write about them and everything they’ve been through. LuHan was his muse and today he had given him what he needed to feel inspired again.

_I will write about love. I will write about us. The us that we were and the us that we are. Because, sometimes all you need to do is to move on._

They had moved on.

Today they had decided to go on and on and forget what haunted them.

They had put closure on the emptiness in their heart in order to find their happiness.

 

Living was like a metaphor, no one will have the same definition and understand it the same way. Sehun smiled as he was typing his new story on his laptop. He took a sip of his coffee, quenched. The man had decided to write an allegory of life and love. Being close with LuHan again gave him a lot of inspiration. He was dedicated to his passion anew like in the past, except this time he had his lover by his side. His pretty husband who always gave him warmth and love.

Little by little, breathing in this world had become less hard. He appreciated every day as if it was the last. During this hard process, he had understand a lot more things, he had grown a lot, he had changed. His mind was more open on different possibilities. Life was made of many paths, it was your responsibility to make it something magical. Life is tough and love made it tougher sometimes. You believed in someone, you put your trust in them and finally everything was smashed to pieces. Nevertheless, you couldn’t expect that the blank page will be filled with a rainbow, the darkness will always occurs at a moment in your life. As a matter of fact, the darkness is nearer than you could have expected, it liked to penetrate inside our veins and poison us slowly until the glass gets full. Maybe we liked to stay blind when love is involved, Sehun thought a lot about this eventuality.

If JongIn wasn’t in his life, would he still be alive? If the light wasn’t in his best friend, how could he had drag out himself of the darkness? When you’re losing yourself, something impacting was needed, in order for you to regrow. He believed that JongIn was his angel sent to earth. LuHan was a mixture of his good and bad sides. They were like two mirrors. They reflected each other and made sure to bring out the good in each of them. When one was broken the other fell on this hole full of obscurity. The imperfection of this love was what made it perfect.

Sehun let his hand fly thanks to the wind while LuHan was driving him somewhere unknown. The music played by the radio made the ambiance look calm and pleasant. He was free. He felt free inside of the car with his lover. The weather was quite cold but it was so pretty. The trees were red. Autumn was here.

He opened his car door and walked to LuHan. His husband was sitting on a bench underneath a red oak. Sehun sat next to him and took his hand in his. The landscape was everything he liked. A path made of trees and where you could see the mountains in the distance. The ground was covered by the red leaves. It was wonderful. A breath of fresh hair.

“Let’s walk.” LuHan said as he pulled Sehun’s hand in order to make him get up.

Hand in hand, they walked slowly admiring the landscape worthy of a Monet painting. Sehun wanted to etch this moment forever. He squeezed his baby’s hand and smiled at him.

“Let’s take a picture together baby.” He asked as he took his phone out of his pocket.

LuHan surrounded his waist with his arms while Sehun put his lips on his husband’s cheek. They took many pictures together, normal ones to funnier ones. Their laughs resounded in the nature as they watched what they did on Sehun’s phone. The cute innocent sound of love echoed in their voices. Two people who appreciated each other’s presence more than anything.

They walk a little more until finding a quiet place on a small bridge. The sound of the river was so appeasing. They leaned on the rock and watched the water flowing. LuHan screamed when he saw a fish swimming like a happy kid. He was adorable. Sehun couldn’t stop admiring him. Before knowing LuHan, he didn’t know what love truly meant, but with time he learnt.

LuHan was love. He was all he needed in his life to be happy and in peace with himself. LuHan was his lover, his happiness.

“Sehun?”

The man came out of his trance when he heard his name.

“Yes?”

“I have something to tell you.”

LuHan watched him straight into his eyes. Sehun could see the stars shining inside of his brown eyes. His man took a deep breath, scratched the back of his head, then pinched his lips. He looked uncomfortable for some reason. Sehun decided to hold his hands in order to make him feel better.

“What’s wrong LuHan?”

“Nothing…I’m-I’m just afraid to tell you.”

“It’s a bad thing?”

“No it’s not.”

“Then, you don’t need to be afraid.”

LuHan watched the river then he looked deep inside Sehun’s soul.

“Love, I’m…I’m pregnant.”

“What? WHAT?!”

He was shocked. Did he really hear what LuHan said? Or did he invented things?

“I’m three weeks pregnant Sehun.”

He didn’t invent it. LuHan was really pregnant. His baby had a baby inside his belly. He didn’t know how to react, he was so happy. So happy that he cried and took LuHan in his arms. He was the happiest man in the world.

“I’m so happy! I love you so much LuHan.”

“I love you too Sehun.” He cried in his turn.

_“Today, the flower had bloomed through the darkness till redamancy.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you, thank you so much for your reading! It was a pleasure to write this story on the occasion of Twin Flamed Fest.  
> Thank you so much to the one who had submitted this prompt!  
> And Finally I would like to thanks my beta! Thank you so much for your work ♥I guess it wasn’t easy haha. I am very grateful for your help! You’re the best! Hehe.  
> To everyone, always remember to be happy.  
> XO


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